Attitude For A Happy Life

Robin Blanc Mascari shares her extraordinary life experiences sharing how asking questions allows for truly deep connections. Very simply, know your values because they reveal the trajectory of your life.

Launching season 5 brings a new theme to each guest offering very special guidance for your self-determination.

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Transcript

Hi, I'm Reverend Ali Bierman, welcoming you to the fifth season of Lets Get Metaphysical Show.

And as always, we're kicking off each new season with many changes in the show format.

Now, of course, we're here to awaken you to the invisible forces driving your life in each moment.

And starting today, each week, we're going to be leading you to discover a new aspect, a new dimension of how to discover a new path.

And perhaps it'll be a path that you may not have seen as a possibility for you, or maybe you've known in your heart, but you've been afraid to acknowledge it.

Today, I introduce you to an amazing, brilliant woman.

She is a true role model for me and for literally thousands of people.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to our show, Robin.

And if you'd please share with us three things that you think very few people know about you.

I have fun with this one.

It's a pleasure to be with you and honor truly, Ali.

Do you want some fun ones?

Sure.

Okay, this will take you off into a place that you don't know.

Back in the 80s, is it the 80s or the early 80s?

I got to be a judge at the World Frisbee Championship in the Rose Bowl with people from 30 different countries.

I was and this July, I'm going to Minnesota for the 50th anniversary of the Minnesota Frisbee Association.

I put on a Frisbee tournament and I got 10,000 people to show up and I did the PR, so it was kind of fun.

You didn't know that, did you?

That's extraordinary.

Another really goofy fun one is many, many years ago, I was in the corporate marketing department for Chuck E.

Cheese.

And part of the training is I had to be Chuck E.

So I dressed up as a rat from New Jersey and we walked around their largest store in San Jose, California, and people were pulling on me and I wasn't allowed to talk.

My little guides left and I had people pulling on my tail and it was quite an experience.

So I don't think you knew that either.

No, definitely not.

Wow, I know you're extraordinary, but I just didn't even have a clue.

It's just the wide range of experiences and all the lives that you've touched.

Yeah.

Let's see.

The third one, some people know, not a lot, that I got married for my first time at age 51, and I went from zero to six kids and now we have eight grandkids, and in two weeks is our 20th anniversary.

Wow.

That's incredible.

I'm just digesting this.

The way I know you is you are the best listener of anybody I've ever known in my life.

Not just hearing what people are saying, not just hearing what they're not saying, but it's in their heart and being able to help them, us, find who that is, who we really are, what we really want to say.

And I think one of the most remarkable things about you, in my opinion, is you are so busy.

And I know I myself and other people said, you know, I don't want to bother you because you're so busy, but you always make time.

It's like most people in this world today, they don't do that.

But you're always able to make time for people.

So how did you develop those?

You must have had those skills for what you shared with us previously.

But I know that you worked for Stephen Covey, but I don't think that's as much something that's learned as something that you intuit about yourself.

Well, that's so beautiful.

Thank you for that amazing compliment, Ali.

You know, I've always been really curious and I've always asked lots of questions.

And in order to ask questions, you need to listen.

But it really was my training with Stephen Covey that helped me learn and understand the power and the importance of effective listening, of empathic listening, of listening not just with your ears, but with your heart, with your eyes, actually with your whole body.

Because when someone says, you know, how are you?

And they say, fine.

You know, they're not fine.

And so really asking the questions and then reflecting back that they feel understood.

Because what people say and what's really going on aren't always aligned.

And, you know, and Stephen Covey used to talk about the more empathic you are, the more people will feel safer to go below the surface.

And so we used to talk about peeling the layers of the onion.

And I loved it how Stephen talked about, you peel the layers of the artichoke, because what's in the middle of an onion?

A middle of an onion.

But what's at the center of the artichoke?

And that's where the heart is.

And so when people feel understood, is they're willing to go deeper with you.

But you don't start out with the deep, deep stuff right away.

You want to connect and then gradually move there, so you find out what's really, really important to people.

And that's always a gift when you can get to the heart of what's going on with someone.

And then you can help them.

And then find out where they want to be and help them get there.

That's really incredible because I've always thought before I knew you that I connected well with people.

And then what they would do is dump and dump and dump.

And that's not all the same thing that you were describing.

So I think I could have been a much bigger help if I had those skills back then.

Well, that skill can change anyone and everyone's life.

And it's not just a skill, it's actually an attitude.

It's when you're listening, you really want to hear.

You want to understand, not that you do it superficially to move on to what's next for what's important to you, but for people to feel like you really do want to know, and it is a skill and an attitude.

Because someone can go to a listening class and they can get an A plus in the listening class.

Does that mean they're a good listener?

No.

It comes from practicing, it comes from caring, it comes from really deeply wanting to understand.

And that's an attitude, not just a skill.

How did you awaken that, or was it always there, that attitude in your heart to put you in that place, what appears to me to be very easily?

You know, that's a really good question, Ali.

I just, like I said earlier, I've always been really curious.

So I've always asked lots of questions.

And it's just the way I'm wired.

I'm just naturally curious.

And when you're curious, you don't want to just ask.

You want to make sure that the person feels that you understood them when they answer your questions.

And so, you know, it can go from an unconscious competence to a conscious competence by understanding.

And that's where my work with Covey made such a huge difference.

I mean, I've always been a good listener, fairly good, and I have this agreement with my sister.

And we're really close, and we grew up together, and, you know, she was there the day I was born, and we've been close all these years, and I'm 71 now.

And, you know, we have this agreement with each other, is if we don't feel heard, that we let the other know.

Not from a place of judgment, but from a place of truly, deeply caring.

And so, it's an honest relationship, and I think that would be a really valuable tool for a lot of people, to be honest with people, to say, I don't feel like you really heard me.

Or, if you're the other side of the story, saying, I'm not sure I fully understood.

Let me see.

This is what I think you said.

Am I getting this right?

So constantly asking for clarification to make sure that that person really feels like they're gotten, you know?

And it's like, when people feel gotten, they go, ah.

And then when that happens, they can go deeper and deeper and deeper.

And that's when you get to the heart.

That's so interesting, because I raised my kids that way.

But I don't think I did that with anybody other than my kids.

And I had a health care practice for 30 years.

So that's...

And I read and studied all of Covey's stuff.

And I definitely didn't take away everything that you're sharing.

And in families, it's a really big deal.

I mean, a lot of times, especially when you're dealing with teenagers, have say, how are you?

And they say, fine.

Or they give one or two word answers.

You're not connecting.

And so it takes relationship building to get to the place where people are going to want to share what's really going on.

So asking open-ended questions, you know, and instead of a question that'll end up with a single word, like, what's the best thing that happened today?

You know, what did you, and these are questions we used to ask at this company I work with called Enlighten Leadership.

You know, you're at the dinner table, and if every night you're at the dinner table with your family and you ask, you know, what did you do to help someone today?

What was the highlight of your day?

And if they know that's going to be the question the next day or night, then guess what they're going to look for all day is where did I help someone?

What was the highlight of my day?

And so it's such a powerful tool.

You know, the dinner table is an amazing place to connect.

And a lot of times these days, sadly, people don't have dinner together anymore.

They're so busy going here, there and everywhere.

And, you know, my husband and I make it a point to sit down together at dinner every night.

You know, whether there's anyone else around or it's just us and have a nice dinner, put a candle out and connect.

You know, how was your day?

What, you know, connect emotionally, not just about the stuff that happened, but how are you feeling?

And that makes a huge difference in the development and deepening of our important relationships.

Oh, that's incredible.

I'm just going, I raised two performing kids.

They're professional from the age of 11.

So our precious time was driving to auditions, rehearsals, performances.

And I always had one-on-one time with them.

But they're grown up now and they're in show business.

But I don't have the one-on-one time, except for a few minutes here and a few minutes there.

And it's like, I don't understand their world anymore.

And I just love what you said.

And I want to share that with my kids, my grandchildren.

So thank you, it's the only thing that makes sense.

It does.

And I told you, I have a lot of grandchildren.

And they probably think me as the grandma that asks too many questions.

Because I really want to know, what's it like to be a 20-year-old in this world?

What's it like to be a 16-year-old?

What's important to you?

And we took a wonderful vacation with our oldest son and daughter-in-law and two of the grandkids to Hawaii.

And when you play together, when you have fun together, and you cook together, having shared experiences, it really continues to develop the relationship.

And it bonded all of us at a much deeper level.

Because we were there in a condo together for a week.

And we had lots of choices of things to do.

And we worked it out really beautifully.

But the gift was, it deepened our relationship.

That's exciting.

I was talking with my daughter yesterday.

And she said, Mom, I want you to come and stay with us a few days so we can do things together.

I said, I miss the gardening.

She said, I have so much gardening for you, too.

So I'm going to create that as my way of being with them automatically.

So I'm so grateful that you're in my world.

You're just such an amazing role model.

And I'm going to take just a quick break.

I have discovered Dr.

Livinggood.

That's his real name.

That's his parents' name and his siblings' name.

And since I've been educating myself with a way of thinking about health, I thought I knew it all because I've been in the field for 30 years, living it for more than 50 years, I thought.

Anyway, what I've learned from him, I have now changed.

Years ago, I created a gift for you, seven steps to turn any moment right now into one where you feel happy.

And a couple of years ago, I expanded it to eight.

And because of Dr.

Living Good, the gift I have for you today is the nine steps to feel happy right now.

So everything you say is gold.

Well, thank you.

I'm working on a book right now.

And we have a coach and I'm really thrilled because she's going to get us to the finish line.

And, you know, my love and my passion and it didn't turn out, it didn't start out intentionally and now it's very intentional.

But I, you know, when people are looking for what kind of work to do, or what kind of life to design, or what kind of partner to have, you know, what I learned from my work in the past, whether it was with Stephen Covey, whether it was with career transition, whether it was with Enlighten Leadership, it was really so important to identify what's most important to you.

What are your highest values?

And if we live a place from our highest values, we will be happy.

And so taking the time to identify what's most important.

So when we were moving, you know, and picking a house, what's important to me is that I have a view.

Now for some people, a view is a luxury, but I'm a vision person.

And so I need a view.

It's a non-negotiable kind of thing for me.

And I want to have nature close by and I want to have natural sunlight and I want to have beauty.

And so when looking for a home, those are things that I had that were important.

Now, in looking for a relationship, if people identify their top five values and one of those is not a fit with that person, you'll never be happy.

So let's say someone wants to have children, but their mate doesn't.

Well, trying to convince someone isn't going to work.

So it's really, really important to get clear on what those top values are, and then to continue to live life to have more of what those values are.

So, for instance, in my personal life, freedom is a very, very high value.

I don't like being told what to do.

And my husband will affirm that to you, because if he gets direct, if I kind of say asking works better than telling.

But I, you know, freedom.

So, you know, I chose a profession where I have freedom.

Another thing that's really important to me is to be in an environment where I'm constantly learning and growing.

You know, whether I changed jobs a lot when I was younger.

And so I always, and this was my unconscious part, I always looked at what did I like from that last job?

And what do I want to have more of?

And what do I not want to have more of?

And so every time I changed jobs, it got better and better and better and better.

Now, I didn't know I was doing that.

And then I ended up in the career transition field and helped thousands of people in career transition.

And that's the very first place we started.

Because when people go to get a job, they look at the pay, they look at the package, they look at the commute, but they don't look at some of their most important values.

For instance, I had a friend who had a very high-paying, very good job, great benefits, but she was a single mom.

And the company, every time she had to, you know, take her child to the doctor or something important for her children, she had to actually not tell the truth because she was with a company that was not family friendly.

And so if, you know, that's a high value, you want to get that figured out up front before you accept a position to make sure that your values are going to be met because otherwise you're going to be compromised every step of the way and it doesn't work.

And so that's what I, you know, really love working with people on is identify what your values are and then design your life.

I had to, my husband's yelling for the dogs.

So, you know, having furry friends around is a high value for us.

And we have four of them and it adds other dimensions to life.

But, you know, not compromising what's important and constantly refining our lives.

So we get more of those things that are important, but we don't know until we stop to identify what are those things.

I had this wonderful job once.

It was, you know, I always want to have unlimited income potential.

I want to personally grow.

I want to be around in a healthy environment.

And an integrity is a high value for me.

I had everything else except for that one point, because I never knew when I showed up if the door was going to be locked because the rent wasn't paid, or the phone didn't work because the phone bill wasn't paid.

And so it's just so I would never be happy there, because that piece wasn't there.

And I just invite everyone to really take that time and then constantly work on things, and constantly choose how can I have more of what's important.

Well, I can't wait for your book to come out.

Everything you just said is like, oh my gosh, why didn't I know any of this?

So definitely awaiting your book.

I think a lot of people are awaiting your book.

Yeah, well, it's something that we're not taught in school, whether it's how to find a place to live, how to find a job.

These are basic skills that we should be taught when we're young, and we're not.

And so as parents and grandparents, I love working with young ones.

My grandson is in college, and this is a very powerful time because the decisions we make set up the trajectory for our life.

You know, where are you going to go to school?

What kind of people are there?

What's, you know, when people are moving to a new environment, if healthy food is really important, you know, you want to make sure you can get the quality of food you want.

A friend of mine took a contract in a southern state, I won't name which one, and everything was fried, everything.

There wasn't anything that wasn't fried.

She said, finding fresh vegetables was almost impossible.

And so, you know, and fortunately, it was a short-term contract, but there she was in a place where she wasn't able to get what was most important to her, which is healthy, fresh food.

Yeah.

I totally get that.

I want to thank you again for being you just as you are in the world, and so much gratitude for helping me launch season five of Let's Get Metaphysical Show.

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